those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there was a trapeze. enough said
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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