so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
