I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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