I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize