We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
