I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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