Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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