Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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