I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
