Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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