Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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