I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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