So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
