Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
