haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
