Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
