well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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