I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
