Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize