I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
