You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
