Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
