I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
