Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
