how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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