it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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