Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
