I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
