I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
