Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
