I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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