i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
