I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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