listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
