he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
