btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
