Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
