already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
