sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
