if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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