How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize