can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
