So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
