You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
