First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
