is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
