a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
