you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
