ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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