i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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