Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Congratulations! We have a period
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