Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
