her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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