Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
