If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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