I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize