So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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