I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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