someone get that fucking seahorse.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
