He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
