I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
