you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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