you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
