I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize