Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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