am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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