There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize