captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
