Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i believe in u and ur pee
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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