Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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