you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
