He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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