Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hippo gnu deer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
