What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
