Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
