goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
