I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
