Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
