so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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