I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
