My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
last night I used snow as a chaser
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