"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
