my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
