I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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