when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
