i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
