Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize