dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
