it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
