when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
