I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
