Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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