look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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