we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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