During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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