You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
