giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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