My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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