I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
