I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
